Emotions vs Success: Is there a trade-off?
Posted: Monday, February 01, 2010
by Sulagna Dasgupta
Love in India
“If only I didn’t have any emotions! Imagine how much more I’d be achieving then!"
That’s a thought you have every now & then, right? That’s exactly what you say to yourself on those days-when an unhappy feeling keeps nagging you throughout the day like a headache and doesn’t let you give your 100% to your work.
Now that you’ve realized that not having any emotions is not exactly what you’re looking for, think of the broader picture.
Why exactly do you want to get rid of your emotions?
-So that they don’t interfere with your ability to concentrate on business and you can work with equal efficiency at all times.
Why do you want to do that?
-So that you can achieve more.
Why do you want to achieve more?
-So that you get a promotion/bonus etc., which would mean more money/fame/recognition…
Why do you want more of those?
-So that…yes, so that you feel HAPPY.
Oh yes! The word ‘feel’ does figure somewhere in the equation. Boy! Who would’ve thought of that?
At the end of the day we’re human beings, with feelings and emotions. And it’s our feelings and emotions which drive us-to summits of success and abysses of darkness. It’s because I’d feel happy if xyz happens, that I’ll put my 100% behind achieving xyz.
But the difficult part of the story is that you can’t choose-if you’re born a human being, you’ll have positive as well as negative emotions. It is how you handle the two which determines what you achieve.
Acknowledging that I have emotions, and being controlled by them are not the same. You can’t choose which emotions you’ll have, but you can certainly choose which ones you’re controlled by. And yes, as you might have realized by now, there are some emotions you want to be controlled by-like happiness, and of course, motivation. It’s because you were being controlled (yes, literally controlled) by your motivation that you achieved whatever you achieved.
But what to do with negative emotions? That nagging feeling of sadness? I surely can’t let that control me. There are several things you can do to not let your negative emotions control you. While all of these may not work in all circumstances, one or the other will work in any situation.
- Replace the negative emotion with a positive one. While most people don’t believe it-you are in the state you think you’re in. You’re happy if you think you have reason to be happy. And you’re sad if you think you should be sad. Let me give you an example. Visualize some really happy moment you recently had. Now imagine yourself thinking at that moment-“Well may be xyz (the happy event) has happened, but after all it’s a tiny little thing compared to, say, being rich like Bill Gates/hot like Angelina Jolie/gifted like Michael Phelps… I’ll never be that rich/beautiful/famous…So I really don’t have much reason to be happy." What would you feel like then? Would you ever have been happy if you thought like that? So you were happy because you thought you had reason to be happy.
- Remember, you’re never unhappy. You’re unhappy about something. Say to yourself, “Yes, xyz has happened. I’m very unhappy about that. But abc is also true, which is a great thing. So is pqr, which is something wonderful in my life. I’m so happy about these things!" Then add the two columns up separately-reasons to be happy and reasons to be sad. Any day the first column will contain way more stuff than the second-for the simple reason that when you’re unhappy you’re usually unhappy for a reason, whereas if you going over your life, you’ll invariably remember a million reasons to be happy!
- Start working. Believe me-it works 100% of the time. The difficult bit is to start. The sadder you are at a point of time the more you’ll tend to say to yourself, “It’s not possible. Even though people say keeping yourself busy is the best way to overcome sadness, at the moment I’m too sad for that to work." It’s very easy to fall prey to this line of thinking. But I’d request you have plain faith in the following lines: “The way to stop feeling sad is to work. It’ll work. Irrespective of my perceived (yes, perceived) degree of sadness."
In order to make sure this works, do the easiest things when you’re trying to fight negative emotions. That way you can be sure you’ll not meet with any bottlenecks which might discourage you and push you into further negative emotions.
- Do not try superficial tactics which are often touted as ways of feeling happy when you’re down-going shopping, giving yourself a treat, listening to loud music, going for a movie etc. These are all celebrations and expressions of happiness. They can’t cause happiness, they can only follow it. If you do these things you’ll feel good only during the activity, but they won’t create any lasting positive emotion which enables you to go back to work. As soon as the activity gets over you’ll most likely remember your sadness.
That’ll all for today from my side. Keep smiling, love your family and let positive emotions take the reins of your life.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)This was really an interesting one Sulagna. I enjoyed reading ur article!I'm glad you liked it Resh. :) God bless.
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