The Blame Syndrome
Posted: Wednesday, May 18, 2011
by Sulagna Dasgupta
Love in India
The other day I was chatting with my friend Rahul (name changed) who’s an entrepreneur. Now I immensely admire and draw inspiration from entrepreneurs because of their courage, enterprise, belief in their own ideas and willingness to endure failures and overcome obstacles. I wanted to find out the sources of Rahul’s inspiration. The discussion turned to his past ventures and I came to know that he’d founded a web-designing company in partnership with some of his friends in the past which was eventually shut down.
“Basically because the friends of mine who were responsible for marketing and lead generation couldn’t generate enough leads.”
We wandered off to discussing his current company, which is a partnership between him and another friend of his. He was regretting that the revenues of this company had not grown over the last 10 years. TEN years! I was shocked.
“Why do you think it’s so?” I exclaimed.
“That’s because I have been unable, for the last 10 years, to convince my partner to implement the changes I think are necessary for the company,” he explained.
Rahul is not alone. Many of us suffer from the disease called Blame Syndrome.
Why did you score such low grades in college? Because I had terrible professors who all hated me.
Why have you not started that business of yours which you’ve been talking about for the last two decades? Because my soon-to-be-ex wife has been messing up my life.
Why did you eat those cookies even though you’re supposed to be on diet? Because my mother, who baked them, forced me.
…
The chilling aspect of BS (Blame Syndrome, though there could be other interpretations which would mean the same) is that it absolves you of responsibility. “I’m not responsible for anything negative in my life.” What’s the obvious conclusion? “I don’t need to change anything in myself.” And that’s how BS kills you-by putting an indelible fullstop to your development, and in turn, your life.
The long journey of positive change starts with the single step of acknowledgement-acknowledgement of the fact that something needs to change. And some people are world champions at finding ways to avoid this first step and consequently avoid the whole painful, confronting, uncomfortable journey of changing oneself for the better.
Why did you score such low grades in college? Because I was spending roughly 5% of my time studying and the rest-partying and chasing girls.
Why have you not started that business of yours which you’ve been talking about for the last two decades? Because I’m too afraid to take the plunge and change my life.
Why did you eat those cookies even though you’re supposed to be on diet? Because I still lack enough self-control.
That’s the dialogue I like.
That’s the dialogue that’ll put you in your most productive and growth-oriented state.
Which one is yours? You choose.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Direct. Ironic. To the point and very easy to grasp; with lots of humor. I love your style and your heart. Keep on writing. I am your fan.Thank you Christofer for your comment. :)
And I'm glad you're my fan.
Very nice Sulagna. Unfortunately mankind has entire religions predicated on the use of the "blame syndrome," to enhance the perceived credibility of their particular beliefs. The destruction of one's character to, by extension, build the character of another is not new to our societies, and more than likely will not be going anywhere anytime soon.You're right David. I think I know what you're talking about. All the choices are in front of us-working on ourselves, or using religion (or any damn thing) as an excuse for not doing so.
Thank you David for commenting. :)
Hi Sulagna.
One of my pet peeves is that so many people seem to want to lay the blame for all their unhappiness at the feet of others. I'm not completely immune ... sad to say. I've blamed my parents for some whopping errors in raising me. I'd like to get over that ... really.
But beyond that, I know for an absolute fact that anything that is wrong in my life is of my own doing and I take responsibility for it. I get really angry with myself sometimes. :) So, no BS for me. And if someone catches me at it, I might be resentful for a while, but usually come round to seeing the truth of it.
You've written an excellent article and stated your position very concisely and well ... unlike me with this comment.
Thanks!
Hugs,
DianneHi Dianne,
Thank you for your stunningly honest comment. Between you and me, I'm sometimes a bit of a Parent Blamer too. But whoever did whatever can't be the reason for US not doing anything NOW.
Thanks again Dianne. And thanks for joining my fan club. :)
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